Going Crazy Inside My Head

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Each day a I see a new need.  I want to help with everything.  I want to start a non-profit for this and for that.  I’m pretty sure I could do this and that.  I want to change the world.  I want the world to be a better place for every one of God’s lovely creations.  The outcome is that I’m going crazy.  Not just Coo Coo for CoCo Puffs crazy but completely out of my mind feeling-as-if-the-world-is-on-my-shoulders crazy.  The only thing I can say is that I must be doing something right.  I am certainly on the right track.  Among all these crazy unsettled jumbled thoughts inside my head, I feel peace.  Yes, PEACE. 

I am ecstatic that I can recognize the fact that I would be going out of my mind with anxiety if I did not depend on God.  Regardless of where the next paycheck is going to come from or whether or not I make a right or wrong decision in the direction I should be going, God’s got this.  He has my back.  If I do make a decision that is not within His will, I know He will let me know, one way or the other.

In the meantime, I will continue praying to God, going to seminary, forming a non-profit, becoming a foster parent, caring for my children, caring for my husband, caring for my animals, helping others, helping myself, thinking about how I can form one non-profit that would address all of the problems in the world, change the world.  So far my non-profit is addressing adult education/skillshare, elementary age children who are failed by public education, animals who need rescued, other people who want to change the world and how they get started, churches coming together to address community needs … crazy, right?

God is the ONLY one that could pull this all together! 

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Andy and Ace … Dogs from the Rescue, to the Rescue

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Meet Andy and Ace.  They are both rescue dogs in once sense or another.  Andy was rescued by very good friends of ours approximately 6 years ago.  It was a story of the owners moving and not being able to take him with them.  Our friends already had 3 dogs but took him in as well because they couldn’t stand the thought of him going to a shelter and possibly not making it out.  They couldn’t find a home that they thought was suitable for him so they kept him until they met our family.

Our family was not ever going to own a dog.  We have no need for another mouth to feed.  We always said that we love dogs, we’re just not dog people.  Our decision to get a dog came when I had been working a job over a hundred miles away.  I left on Monday morning and came back Friday evening every week for 2 years.  Our daughters needed extra love.  A dog was the perfect solution and our friends had an amazing dog that they wouldn’t give to just any family.  Yes, if you are reading this right, I, working mom, was replaced by a dog.

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Andy (rottie, lab, bloodhound mix) turned out to be the best decision that we ever made.  The girls had found an unconditional love that they desperately needed while Mom was gone.  He is a patient snuggler, always listens and a protector of the family.  He is 14 yrs old though and we know that the blessing of having him with us will not last forever so we began our search for a younger dog to join our family.

I saw Ace (mastiff shepherd mix) online through a dog rescue.  His picture seemed to speak to me.  I inquired about him.  He comes from a rough background and has diabetes insipidus which leads us to believe that he was hit very hard on the head.  The rescue is closer to Ohio.  I called to find out if they would consider adopting to me even though I’m about 3 hours away.  Come to find out, Ace was being fostered 7 miles from my home.  This was taken as a sign from God that this was meant to be!  From the first day that we had Ace I couldn’t imagine our family without him.  He is playful, loving and an extreme guard dog.  If someone is physically ill or emotionally distraught, he WILL NOT leave their side for anything or anyone.

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These dogs have provided my family, and especially my daughters, with so much love.  They went from the role of being rescued, to the role of rescuer.

Today is the beginning of another journey…

Today I am beginning the process of making our spare room upstairs into a bedroom.  We want to be a foster family.  It is a part of our personal family “Do What You Can” campaign.  We are a family that despises the fact that there are neglected and abused children out there in our own neighborhood.  We have decided to do what we can about it.  We are beginning the process to become a foster family.  We don’t have a perfect, Martha Stewart looking house.  We don’t have amazingly nice furniture.  We do have a lot of love and compassion.  We do have a mission to help others.  We do have an extra room.  We even have a Chevy Suburban to fit our family of 5, two big dogs and one or two others.  We can use what we’ve got to make a difference.

James 1:27 says this: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Who are the widows and orphans of today’s society?  I believe they are the people that have no way to support themselves in the society that they live.  Widows and orphans in ancient times were the people who were unable to feed themselves.  They had no one to support them.  They had no way to support themselves.  In my mind, the term “widows and orphans” applies to many more than just that.  I realize that not everyone can become foster parents.  That’s not what it’s about.  It’s about what you can do to help others.  Figure out what you can do, then DO WHAT YOU CAN!

The Tent I’m Living in Right Now

I love camping.  It is my favorite past time and I cannot wait for a good week-long camping trip.  I don’t believe in campers, popups, RV’s or anything else that isn’t a tent.  I will give in to the comfort of inflatable beds but the tent is non-negotiable.  It is an integral part of my camping experience and what I believe the family experiences.

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I’ve just started seminary classes.  Every time I go to class my mind is blown in  new and unexpected way.  I’ve decided that the Bible is like a camping tent.  I have a brand spanking new camping tent now and I’ve taken it out of the bag it came in.  I’m trying to put my camping tent back into the bag.  It won’t fit.  It never fits back into that bag of what I believed to be true before.

The only difference about a real camping tent and this tent of belief that encompasses me is this.  A real camping tent that doesn’t fit back into the bag frustrates me to the point of screaming and high blood pressure.  This new tent of belief is one that I never want to go back into the same bag.  It’s an adventure!!!!

Just Wrong …

Earlier today I was reading my Bible while eating Sriracha flavored potato chips.  I couldn’t help but feel like I was doing something really wrong on multiple levels.

Big Changes

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Had you told me last year that I would be attending seminary this year, I may have laughed … really, really laughed.  Not just a “ha ha no way” laugh, but a hearty belly laugh that takes 10 minutes to get over and then you start laughing all over again.  I had been a radiation therapist.  Most people either think a radiation therapist (RTT) is 1) someone who takes x-rays, or 2) has no idea whatsoever what we do.  A radiation therapist treats cancer patients with high dose radiation.  It is therapeutic in that it kills cancer cells.  I had been traveling back and forth 100 miles for this job.  I left on Monday mornings and didn’t return home to my family until Friday evenings.  It paid the bills but that was it.  Moving was not an option because of several factors.  I did this for 2 years and then decided my family had sacrificed enough.  It was time to come home.  My husband (who is also in seminary) agreed.  He was tired of being a single dad of 3 girls during the week and I was tired of being a weekend mom. 

Leaving my job took an enormous amount of faith in which I am still relying on to keep me at peace.  The decision to go back to school was an easy one but the decision to go to seminary was more difficult.  Am I good enough is the question that came to mind most.  I’ve done some pretty hurtful things to others and to myself in the past.  It’s a good thing I believe in a forgiving God or else I would have been a “lost cause.”  My husband and I made the decision to make the plunge and have total faith in God.  We decided that everyone in the family had sacrificed enough and that it was time for Mama to come home.  I put my two weeks notice in with faith that God will take care of my family.  I had so much faith that I put my notice in before I was accepted into seminary.  We just knew it was right.

After my acceptance I started school and I love it more than words can ever describe.  I’m getting an education and walking in faith with my husband.  I have already networked with people who have been put in my path.  The job will come.  The family will be provided for when our current funds run low.  People have looked at us as if we are crazy.  Maybe so.  As long as it’s crazy in faith, it will be okay.